We're in our mom's bed

jones and mogg

Whenever Jones’s mom, Nance, goes out of town, we engage in one of our favourite activities: we make the hour-long trek from downtown Toronto to the suburbs, slip into sweats, pour ourselves a couple goblets of wine and crawl into Nance’s bed for a bona fide sleepover. It’s an odd thing to want to hang out in your (bestie’s) mom’s bed. For some reason, though, there’s no place we would rather find ourselves on a Saturday night.

Luckily, we’ve been blessed with the coincidence of Jones’s visit to Toronto and Nance’s visit to the Viet Cong. And so, here we find ourselves, cuddled up with wine (and water – Mogg hasn’t broken her Lent fast) and ready for an evening of trashy T.V. and gossip.

We can’t decide whether we should liveblog the trash T.V. we’re about to watch, or spend the time more wisely dissecting why the fuck we’re in a mom’s bed together, and not in bed with our men.

Seems like we might do a bit of both: Mogg is on type duty, Jones on channel surfing duty.

Cake Boss has just been vetoed - Jones to the host, “dude nobody gives a fuck about this cake” – in favour of Cash Cab.

Ten minutes passed in silence; Jones broke it just now by telling the dudes who won $475.00 to “chill the fuck out. It’s not even that much money, really.” She then asked if Elizabeth Taylor died. LITTLE LATE TO THE PARTY (funeral), JONES.

We’ve just switched jobs because Mogg is THE BEST channel surfer. She surfs channels like she deals with waiters: TAKE NO PRISONERS. Success! She just stumbled on Coyote Ugly and it’s only 5 minutes in. The wholesome, small town girl is telling her father (played by John Goodman) that’s she’s moving to the big city to become a prostitute, under the guise of becoming reg. Shits. At least she’s not hanging out in her mom’s bed.

Mogg attributes our attraction to Mrs. Jones’s bed to a bizarre Peter Pan complex. We love sleeping over in the mom’s bed because we’re trying to recreate the magic of a childhood overnight. It could also be that we’re playing house, pretending to have a reg life in a reg house and reg bed with reg sheets and a reg en suite bathroom. (Granted, the giant poster of the naked lady that hovers above the bed is less-than-reg, but you don’t turn out like Jones if you’ve got a 100% reg mom.) We’re faking nuclear family a la The Kids are Alright.

Related: once, over dinner, Mogg asked Nance, “Why isn’t socially acceptable for Lauren and I, as best friends, to raise a child together?” Nance responded, “Ashley, I think what you’re talking about is called Lesbianism.”

It seems like we’ve settled on Coyote Ugly. Considering abandoning quest for reg in favour of moving to NYC to be coyotes. Enjoy the gifs that make it imposible to focus on the words. Mogg’s reg man made them. Goodnight and God bless.